Confidence. It’s the killer of so many hopes and dreams…or rather the lack of confidence is.
We define confidence as a feeling that you are: CAPABLE, ENOUGH, AVERAGE, EXCELLENT, INTERESTING and it comes from EXPERIENCE, BELIEF, and a WIDE NET OF KNOWLEDGE.
The main killers of confidence are: comparison, others’ words, our perception of others’ words, failure, fatigue, physical pain, emotional distress, and of course our memories.
AND THERE ARE COMPOUND EFFECTS WHEN THESE FACTORS OCCUR CHRONICALLY.
One of the best ways to build confidence is building on your strengths. A focus on your weaknesses will improve you a bit, but getting better at what you already rock – that’s where the fire is!
Some General Confidence Builders:
Affirmations – Google around and pick 2 or 3 that speak to you. We can’t even begin to suggest something to deeply personal…and it takes some research, but it’s so worth it.
Notice & Name – Just acknowledging how you’re feeling is an incredibly freeing way to minimize unconscious hits on your confidence. This can be in the form of a brain dump just before you do something risky, it can be a simple internal checking system to see when and how your evil little voice is running away with you, or saying out loud to someone you trust that you’re feeling a certain way. Keeping it secret creates shame, and that shame will do as much damage as the little voices.
Safe experimentation – Do something you’ve never done before BUT that is within your capabilities. Abject failure does not lead to higher confidence. Start small, and take more and more small risks until your brain catches on that you’re actually GOOD AT STUFF.
Attribution: unknown
Sleep – Literally fixes everything. Except insomnia.
Comfort/Hygge – It’s harder to listen to the negative voices when you are a happy lil sushi roll. Provide comfort for yourself and then if your mood, perception, and life starts to shift.
Velvet Rope – Be your own bouncer and kick toxic people out of your life…or at least do your best to minimize their impact. By treating yourself to the velvet rope treatment, you’re creating a barrier between toxicity and your self image, leading to those toxic people being downgraded from Nuclear Waste Central to Hairspray in a Closed Space level of impact.
Journal – Let your thoughts out, you don’t need them inside you anymore.
Build your strengths – Become better at the stuff you’re great at, and leave your weaknesses to rest for a bit.
Ask for compliments – Need a boost? Ask. You’d be surprised how many people will jump at the chance to build you up when you need it. Just be sure none of those people have ever shown a lack of support!
Take on small challenges – Similar to taking small risks, this one has more of a goal-type feeling. A risk could be trying something new at a restaurant, a challenge is deciding to run 10k. But again, be reasonable and make sure your challenges are sensible.
Set goals – This gets you focused on your future, and wrenches you out of the daily grind that’s wearing you down. Having something to work toward is inspiring, achieving those goals can trounce your evil inner critic pretty quick!
Daily meditation – Get quiet with yourself and let your inner thoughts out to play.
Present your best self – For Heather, it’s red lipstick. For Robby, it’s his motorcycle jacket. Everyone has their favourite piece of “armour” that they use to feel sexy, empowered, alive – find yours and rock it!
Feed your brain happy fuel (music, TV, nature) – Avoid the news, Twitter, Facebook, and everywhere else that the worst of humanity is celebrated.
Question your thoughts – Have a real, two sided dialogue with yourself. Does your inner critic make sense? Is there another, quieter voice trying to tell you something more positive? Don’t believe everything you think.
Attack & pounce on happiness – Ever notice when you are experiencing something, you notice it everywhere? Pregnancy, Jeep owners — being happy can sometimes be a matter of actively searching for bright spots…and when we’ve decided to see them, they become impossible to miss. The happier you are, the easier it is to take on your confidence issues.
Confidence pose 2 mins – Stand up. Right now. Or like go to the bathroom stall and try this: Eyebrows raised, eyes looking straight ahead, chin parallel with the floor, shoulders back, hands on hips, legs spread, weight balanced evenly on your heels. Hold for 2 minutes (you can do ANYTHING for 2 minutes!) and then attack whatever is scaring you.
Compliment strangers – Making others happy will make you happy. And yes, this goes for everyone although it can be harder for some than others.
Not all confidence builders will work for every person – your personality matters!
There are a ton of resources out there, some offering super in-depth analysis, but to get a basic overview and a starting point, head over to https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test to get your 4-category Myers Briggs plus a breakdown of your motivations and strengths.
Check out the list below, find all 4 of your strongest traits, and see if these strategies will work for you!
Extrovert – Find a tribe
Sensing – Notice & name
Thinking – Schedule a challenge OR Make plans for challenges
Judge Present your best self OR Make a list of positive traits
Introvert Indulge in comfort
Intuition Journal & free talk
Feeling Ask for compliments OR Meditate
Perceive Listen to bouncy music OR Say your affirmations
Drop us a DM on Instagram instagram.com/halaconnected and let us know how you make out with these tips and tricks!
What to look for in Episode 3: Our fav Image Manipulation Apps and 3 of our fav Instagram apps.
Until then, have fun and kick ass!